Treatment & Support

I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in June 2009 in my early 40s after my GP initially thought I had early menopause. I insisted it was something more and an ultrasound revealed a massive cyst on my right ovary. Leading up to the diagnosis I felt like I was dragging myself around a bit more than normal and then I looked in the mirror and thought to myself, "Oh my God, you’re sick’.

Symptoms
I suffered from bloating that wouldn’t go down for hours and caused severe pain and discomfort, making me feel very tired. I noticed that I was urinating more and later, and my periods stopped completely.

It wasn’t until I underwent surgery in Melbourne that the doctors realised the 1kg cyst on my right ovary was cancerous yet they didn’t know how far the cancer had spread. A week after surgery I went home to New South Wales and was told the surgeon would contact me with the final results. Waiting for the results made me feel that mentally I was taken to another place, somewhere I didn’t recognise, despite knowing I was physically living in the world. The cancer had spread from my right ovary to my left and further through my pelvic region. A subsequent PET scan in Melbourne determined how far the cancer had spread and guided the type of treatment that would be used. Chemotherapy was the only option.

Chemotherapy
Chemotherapy took me to a place that shattered my very soul. My chemotherapy treatments were once a week on a three weekly basis. It felt like I was the only one in the room and I hated what was going into my body. Being told by my Oncologist that there were no guarantees the chemotherapy would work threw me through the wall. Chemotherapy not only kills off the cancer cells but also the healthy cells at the same time. The treatment made my stomach feel like I had drunken acid and I felt weak, fatigued, nauseated and experienced many highs and lows. You just start feeling a bit better and then you’re hit with your next treatment. The chemotherapy is a long, slow healing process. The body picks up slowly over the months and it gets stronger and stronger as the chemotherapy starts to wear out of your body.

Identity (hats and wigs)
How much can one go through? Being diagnosed with cancer, undergoing major surgery and then chemo and a complete head shave to top it all off. How much can one bear? You lose your whole self, who you were, your own identity of your self and your hair among other things. Losing layer after layer of your whole identity, you are forced into becoming another person so unrecognisable to your own mirror reflection.  I found the experience of losing my hair very difficult but I also had so much fun enjoying my new wigs and hats!

Vulnerability
With illness you are so vulnerable. There are times in your life when you have to let go and let others help you. Being hospitalised means you can only do certain things for yourself. The vulnerability you are open to physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Fear sets in, panic is now in mode and the unknown path you are on. Just ride the roller coaster, don’t fight it. I was not only keeping a healthy diet along with meditation and exercise but also keeping balanced in my emotions and spirituality.

Change
No one can take the same steps as you on their journey. That is their journey. Each step we take is so individual. All that matters is the steps you walk on your walk. It’s the changes we make from within that are everlasting. The daily work of soul changing is the most powerful, permanent and stable change ever existing. There’s a wonderful light that’s come out of this, it’s given me self value and self worth to a level I’ve never had before. My future path will never be the same. I’ve had to make changes from every angle to make good in my life. Saying no, thinking of what’s best for me, meditating daily and changing my thinking.

Helping Others
Right from the beginning I thought of ways I could help others, in a unique way, a personal way, privately, confidentially or publically. I will turn the darkest times into light. That’s where your inspiration comes from. I believe in helping others one hundred per cent.

Path
You never walk the same path again after being diagnosed with cancer. The wonderful places it takes you. My self worth and self value have been strengthened in every way which has helped me change my actions on a daily basis and for the goodness of my body and soul. I now give myself praise because I’ve taken full responsibility for making honest changes for my life. I’ve never once said "Why me?", it’s always been how can I use this experience to help others?

Thank you
Thank you cancer for changing my life, giving me the most traumatising, shocking (shock, horror) and heart breaking experience ever possible. You’ve led me to a better place and given my life a whole new meaning.

Moving on

It doesn’t stop here. You’re always looking over your shoulder. You get to a stage where you put it aside. Instead of cancer walking in front of you, it’s now beside you. I always believed there was light at the end of the tunnel. Step by step, day by day, that’s where my strength came from. Staying grounded, keeping on track, believing and believing that there is light at the end of the tunnel and you will get through this.

There is no end. The path I walk still leads on. May my life experience be one to help you. Then I’m fulfilled.

Elizabeth

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